I feel really delirious writing this but I think a big part of my "weird" sick feeling I have been having is due to stress...and blogging always de-stresses me. So I am trying whatever I can. If I don't get better soon, off to the doctor I will go and see what's going on. I'm just gonna try and just get rid of it myself. :) Again...I am a bit off tonight so I could be making zero sense. Either way...here goes.
I definitely can tell what's going to happen in my life. I get vibes and intuitions and "gut feelings" and 9 times outta 10...I am right on. That's how I know I am right about my feelings on the job I am going to get soon. I don't know what the job is but I know it's the one I am supposed to get. It will be exactly the one I am ready for. I really am amazed that I can trust my intuition on some things, and ignore them on others. The gut feeling I ignored recently I was supposed to ignore. I was supposed to trust something, someone, again. I don't know why, but eventually that reason will appear. It was great while it lasted, it was fun, I was able to open my eyes to a lot of issues I have in the emotional department. The mental department even. I have been lucky enough to have my trust and heart broken so badly, that even though I thought I was healed and ready, I, in fact, was not. Not even close. There is still quite a bit of growing and learning I have to do. There are still things I am supposed to experience before that wonderful love I am destined comes into my life. I am fine with that. I really am. I have to remember that...but still take chances. I can't lock myself up behind walls and not allow anyone in. I have to stay open, happy and free, ready for whatever comes into my life. For whoever comes into my life. I can, however, control the level I keep the things that come into my life. I can choose to allow something to develop or I can keep it as simple and basic as it can be. I am not the type of girl to go on dates. I haven't been on many in my entire life (even though I was effin engaged) and I just find them sort of uncomfortable. Maybe it's going on a date with someone I don't really know. I don't know. Just seems more awkward than anything else. I'm not a random hook-up-er, and I can't see more than one person at a time. So the possibility of me actually getting into something that will trigger my emotions is pretty low. I just want to have friends. Just be friends with people. With guys. Everything is SO much easier as friends. I have enough going on in my life...anything added to it can be easy. Within the next couple of months, I am going to be busy busy busy, working lots and making good money. I have a way of life envisioned for myself, and it does not involve being in any sort of relationship with anyone. It's me. Just me. Working hard, achieving my dreams. Me being happy. Me being healthy. Me being ME. I see myself being at the company I want to work for, making great decisions, being awesome at my job and going up on the success ladder. I can see my passion and motivation for the business showing through and getting more responsibilities learning so much and just being oh-so-awesome at my job. Gosh. The way I can see in my mind (even on a non-delirious night) is just so rad., I am so excited for it to happen. Whoo!
I have so much support from my family and friends. I have support from friends I don't talk to or see often. I don't even see a lot of my friends down here! I can tell I have been going through some stuff the past couple months because I haven't really socialized. Had a serious good time. I am definitely ready to get back out and have some fun. It's time for the fun Phaedra to come back out.
All in all...I am happy and glad 2010 has gone the way it has. Every part of it. I am still optimistic about everything in my life. Career, happiness, love, money. All of it. I can feel the growth and can tell the things I learned so far are more valuable than I even realize. I have a few sad moments because a person who was in my life isn't anymore. I will miss that person a lot. Maybe one day it can be different, but for growing and moving on purposes, it's just gotta be this way I guess. I have my fingers crossed that one day we will be cool again. I wish things were normal and cool right now, but life's a two-way street.
I already feel better...I really think the ill feelings are from stress. Hopefully that's all. There's other possible factors, but I like the stress one the best. That means I can make myself feel better.
Alrighty who knows if this blog even makes sense, but it helped me. Definitely time to go to sleep. Got a nice snooze in this evening and now onto to a better tomorrow!
