I sit on a section of rocks next to the ocean. The only clear sky in sight is a line at the edge of the ocean, as if the clouds are dozy eyelids drooping to close for some rest. The water is magnificently gorgeous, even without the sun blazing a reflection off it. The waves are echoing all around me or there is thunder trying to interrupt this serenity. Water trying to reach the tips of my toes doesn’t get close enough…even with the big waves pushing them harder each time. They remind me of the chaotic temperament my emotions have been having. Huge overwhelming uncontrollable waves all the way to soft, relaxed water almost rolling over the sand. In a matter of a few short seconds, the water repeats itself. So similar to my day to day chase of my dreams. Part of the sky is turning orange, the other still blueish grey. The calms waters last longer than the chaos but they chaos continues to show up. The beauty and peace of it all together really balances out and the calm waters always prevail. I must not forget that. If I ask, I shall receive. If I am strong and don’t give up those dreams I long to catch will one day be tight in my hands. No one gets to the top without trying. No one has a success story about floating through life with no pain or hardship or struggles.
Its day 15. Two weeks. It’s been half a month since I have played with my niece, It’s been 18 days since I have had a paycheck. I have had an even amount of bad days and good days. The bad days seem to be more frequent than I am used to, and more intense. It’s really an odd feeling. Me, being the annoyingly positive person I normally am, can’t fully grasp how the low times feel so low. I can try to talk myself out of them, and it has worked a handful of times. Not regularly enough for me. I KNOW I am going to get a job soon, and I KNOW I am going to get a job with a record label soon. I could end up with a job for a few months that isn’t in my career field, or I could end up getting a job with the label soon too. I don’t know what going to happen. I DO know that I need to be here. There is only trying and fighting and believing in what I can do. Not dwelling on what hasn’t happened yet. When I am working, I am happy. I thrive on being busy and having things that need to get done. I am used to having a list of things to do today, and things to follow up on. Why is it so hard to transition that from my job to what I have to do to get a job? I know me being homesick and without my normal surroundings makes it more difficult. I have GREAT roommates and the bestest friend down here anyone could have. These friends are amazing and I am so grateful to have them in my life right now.
The job I want is coming. The income I need is going to be here really soon too. I can feel that. MY credit and bills – they are getting paid soon. The good stuff has been happening more often and they have been surprisingly great great great things so the best is yet to come, the track is clear and open and the positive vibes are crashing through it like the waves.
Its day 15. Two weeks. It’s been half a month since I have played with my niece, It’s been 18 days since I have had a paycheck. I have had an even amount of bad days and good days. The bad days seem to be more frequent than I am used to, and more intense. It’s really an odd feeling. Me, being the annoyingly positive person I normally am, can’t fully grasp how the low times feel so low. I can try to talk myself out of them, and it has worked a handful of times. Not regularly enough for me. I KNOW I am going to get a job soon, and I KNOW I am going to get a job with a record label soon. I could end up with a job for a few months that isn’t in my career field, or I could end up getting a job with the label soon too. I don’t know what going to happen. I DO know that I need to be here. There is only trying and fighting and believing in what I can do. Not dwelling on what hasn’t happened yet. When I am working, I am happy. I thrive on being busy and having things that need to get done. I am used to having a list of things to do today, and things to follow up on. Why is it so hard to transition that from my job to what I have to do to get a job? I know me being homesick and without my normal surroundings makes it more difficult. I have GREAT roommates and the bestest friend down here anyone could have. These friends are amazing and I am so grateful to have them in my life right now.
The job I want is coming. The income I need is going to be here really soon too. I can feel that. MY credit and bills – they are getting paid soon. The good stuff has been happening more often and they have been surprisingly great great great things so the best is yet to come, the track is clear and open and the positive vibes are crashing through it like the waves.
It is time to head home, enjoy the slow traffic and be happy I am where I am. Enjoy a few drinks and good times with roommates and new friends.
